Wednesday, January 20, 2016

I'm breaking up with you. I'm sorry.

Being an adult is hard.  Being an adult and navigating friendships is hard.  Some friendships come super easy.  Some are life sucking.  Some are life giving.  Some are seasonal.  Some are out of convenience. Some are one sided. Some are a constant struggle.  Some end.

I've had to come to terms with a couple of friendships that just aren't there anymore.  Both of these friendships were deeply rooted in different seasons of my life.  So it has been painful to let them go. When I think of certain points in my life I can't help but think of these ladies.  So why am I letting them go?

What I'm letting go of, are the expectations I have of the friendships.  If you are my friend, I'm all in. Call me any time of the day or night and I'll be there for you.  I have very deep friendships where we only talk/text once every couple of months, but because of what we have been through together in the past, it makes no difference.  I have friendships that need a little more attention, and I don't mind.  I enjoy their company, perspective, and insight.  But when a friendship becomes one sided, which a couple of these have become, I've found myself getting hurt, upset, and even mad.  Why aren't they being the kind of friend I think they should be???  So I'm letting go. What does letting go of them do for me?  It frees me from feeling all of those feelings, because my expectations of them are now gone.  I'm not going to be angry at them anymore, for creating distance between us.  I'm going to look at what we shared as friends, and be grateful.  And I'm going to know, it's now over.

I'm not holding any ill will towards those women.  As I said above, they were very important to me rooted in different seasons of my life.  Friendships change. And some need to end.  If they create drama, negativity, or are constant takers - I don't think you have any obligation to sustain the relationship.  That wasn't the case here - but just wanted to throw that in there.  I won't be writing them a nasty letter, or shutting them out of my life.  I will however free myself.

Insert instrumental music and butterflies flying away.

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